Divorce Attorney in Tampa, Pasco, Hernando, Pinellas Florida

Fear Drives the Process

2009-09-17T19:56:00.002-05:00

In the traditional gender roles, fear drives the process. The women worry that will end up on the street without a source of support. The men worry they will be turned into an ATM card while their spouse lives a life of luxury. I think everyone thinks the worst - fueled by television, movies, and a million friends that have gone through a divorce.

More often than not I feel hardened to their fear. I know the process is one of compromise and that life will ultimately go on. Situations pass and life continues. I am a positive person and I try to transfer that feeling to clients. Some of the most rewarding moments happen in mediation. In the beginning the fear hangs on everyones faces. After a successful mediation, everyone starts to crack a smile. They realize the worst didn't happen. Honestly, I wish I could enjoy their relief. But sometimes, all I feel is is fatigue from being so deeply immersed in someone's life.

Life is a Time Machine

2009-09-04T19:57:00.003-05:00

A client came into my office today and said something about reading all of my blog posts. I must admit, I felt a bit invaded for a moment. You can see by the date of this post - I have not posted to or read through this blog for 3 years !!!

I remembered my writings in this blog and their personal nature. Somehow, over the past three years I have developed a hard shell - kind of like an M & M candy, but less sweet. I had stopped expressing myself in the same way as the person that wrote this blog, so long ago.

This evening I sat down to read the blog and realized the valuable thing I built. I had created the software version of a time machine. I now have the ability to look into the past and see the inner mind of the stranger that used to be me.

There is a value to all of this. I now plan to return here at intervals and post my thoughts.

If my job were that simple

2006-08-11T07:51:00.000-05:00

Week after week goes by. I win some hearings, lose some, and there are a certain number where no one knows who won. I try to not allow the hearings to affect me. But if happens anyway. Sometimes I feel great and sometimes I feel there is a large knife slowly twisting in my stomach. There are some weeks where the stress of the week sends me home on Friday with a feeling that I am hollow inside, devoid of the capability of having human feelings. Sometimes that bothers me because that is the way many people see attorneys - and it is not a complement they are paying us. Recently, someone commented attorneys are like "used car salesmen." But that probably is not true because used car salesmen have more simplicity in their lives. If my job were only that simple.

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Hillsborough and Pasco County Divorce Attorney

Some of us become psychotic

2006-08-08T20:47:00.000-05:00

I recently had a short stint on a unique case. The opposing party was one of the more prominent attorneys in Florida. On the surface she was as smooth as silk. Her presentations in court - excellent. Just below the surface - she was a mess. There was an honest admission she was on a variety of meds for anxiety and depression. She could not speak to me without shaking. In a private discussion, I began to wonder if I would find a knife blade in my chest.

I have to wonder if this is a profession where we sacrifice ourselves and our sanity to give clients a second chance at life. I am very careful about myself. I have seen too much and do not want to become one of the people I pity.

Good attorneys vs Bad attorneys

2006-08-04T10:44:00.000-05:00

A good attorney:

Does not take money for a goal that is impossible to achieve
Settles a high percentage of cases at mediation
Does not "fan the flames" - helps the client keep a cool head
Does not take $1,500 retainer on what is obviously a $10,000 case without telling the client how much it will probably end up
Returns phone calls to the client

A bad attorney:

Takes all cases - no matter how unrealistic the client is
Never settles
Pushes all cases to go to trial
Does not give a honest estimate on costs
Returns phone calls 3 days later
Takes an unrealistically low retainer - while knowing the retainer will be exhausted in 3 weeks.

Not a dry eye in the gallery

2006-07-26T17:18:00.000-05:00

Golfers have the perfect shot that beautifully arcs through the sky, dances on the green, and then gently settles into the hole. Doctors see their patient spring back to life And builders watch their skyscrapers climb into the air. Everyone has something that makes their hearts swell, that sends a thrill through their spine, that give them the kind of pride that only a job well done can give.

Lawyers have the equivalent: a brilliant closing statement. Not just any type of good closing statement. The kind you see in the movies. All odds are against you, and everyone hates you. The moment arrives for a closing statement. And then a god-inspired surge of creativity hits you. Closed minds are suddendly open. The judge looks up with renewed hope. Everyone in the room is in rapture. And there is not a dry eye in the gallery.

Unfortunately, I have yet to have that moment. I make good closing statements and always feel satisfied. But there is never that television-like moment. I am satisfied with less: a good settlement for the client, no flat tire on my car, and the anticipation of seeing my wife and animals at home.

Sometimes it's the little things that make life good.

A week spent in a variety of courts

2006-07-21T08:56:00.000-05:00

This week I had a bunch of hearings, all in different courts, with different judges. One of the tricks of practicing law is to learn the preferences of the judges you see. Because the same set of facts, and the same situation, might receive 6 different rulings, depending on the judge that makes the decision. There is no black and white in the law. And sometimes in marital law, all bets are off.

An overview of how a judge chooses the parent to have custody of the children

Child custody statute - Florida

Child support statute 61.13

The equivalent of the $500 toilet seat

2006-07-14T08:47:00.000-05:00

Those of us that go a bit further back can remember a time when the newspapers screamed about the $500 toilet seats and $250 hammers. It appeared that the US Military was overpaying for everything and wasting our money to the extreme - all courtesy of the american taxpayers.

Many situations remind me of the $500 toilet. One in particular happens all of the time. Many attorneys need to clear up one tiny fact, or communicate one tiny fact. You would think they would pick up the telephone and invest in a 3 minute phone call. But that would violate the principle of the $500 toilet. Instead, they break out the fancy stationary and the dictation pad. It takes two people - an attorney and a paralegal. Through the application of legal hours and dedicated assistants, they cobble out a 5 sentence letter. And what do you think the letter requests? A return letter. All to do what a 3 minute call would have done.

The $500 toilet lives on. God bless America.

Visit my web page for some really good STUFF about divorce
Tampa Florida Divorce Attorney

Beginning step - an overview of the divorce process

A description of the documents to gather for your case
The divorce petition
How the petition is served on your spouse
Financial disclosure
The discovery process - depositions, interrogatories, and requests to produce
Negotiation - working toward a negotiated settlement agreement
The mediation process - working with a court appointed mediator
The Final Hearing - if mediation is successful
Case management conference and pretrial conference
Motions - motion for contempt, motion for temporary support, motion to compel
Evidence in a courtroom - problems and opportunities
Final Trial - if all issues are still contested
General Florida divorce statute 61.052

Independence day

2006-07-01T08:20:00.000-05:00

Most people do not realize: we were founded as a country with laws. Many of the founding fathers were lawyers. Since then, lawyers have been an integral part of our development as a nation. We work every day fighting for our client's rights and dignity. Everything we do as lawyers, whether it is criminal, contract, divorce, or personal injury, relates back to the set of rights guaranteed all of us in our Constitution.

It is easy to forget the Constitution while working as a divorce attorney. Day after day I am waist deep in my client's lives and personal problems. But everything I do is based on a Constitutional principle: My clients have a right to freedom, privacy, property, and the right to raise their families in peace. There is a reason for what I do and it is worth every sacrifice I have made.

I hope everyone enjoys their 4th of July !

The children must play

2006-06-23T14:29:00.000-05:00

True or False: All attorneys are top notch professionals, above the petty games of small minded individuals.

If you answered true, read on.

Today, we had a high conflict situation with another attorney office. Right in the middle of negotiations they stopped answering their phone. Ok, this is the middle of Friday and some offices close. But low and behold, their fax machine decided to close early. All of a sudden, their fax stopped picking up - almost like it was unplugged. Unplugged? That would be unprofessional !?

Where is the glamour?

2006-06-21T20:05:00.000-05:00

Many people think lawyers represent power, glamour, and wealth. The reality can be drastically different. Most lawyers experience overwhelming stress. We deal with destroyed lives day in and day out. In the less serious case, people can lose their homes or children. The outcome of our client's situation rides on our skill and preparation. And statistically, 50% of the cases are lost. That presents a tremendous amount of stress on us that are constantly worried about your clients. We are the hardest working people that I know - with not much in the way of rewards.

A whirlwind of activity this weekend

2006-06-16T20:39:00.000-05:00

I have a hard fast rule: do not work on the weekends. I did just that in my past life and it was never worth it. But this weekend will need to be an exception. next week I have several very important hearings. All of them require complex visual aids to be put together. I like to think of hearings being like a game of show and tell. But I believe the emphasis always needs to be on "show." That is why I always have lots of documents, pictures, and color timelines to show the judge.

I'm back!

2006-06-06T16:16:00.000-05:00

Sorry about that. But even a dedicated blogger has to take breaks. Lots of interesting hearings, clients, and experiences over the last month. Stay tuned and I will share. :-)

It's great when a case comes to an end

2006-05-03T05:47:00.000-05:00

I always enjoy seeing a case come to an end. For some, it happens at the end of a mediation. For others, the couple reconciles. And for the unlucky few, the case ends after a final trial. I always feel a sense of closure. This is my measure of progress - seeing people move forward with their lives.

Another week in the trenches

2006-04-22T08:13:00.000-05:00

Sometimes my work is very tiring. I hear so much personal information from people: money, sex, violence, desperation. I am submerged in the facts of other people’s lives. Facts that were not meant to be public information. Facts that were meant to be told only to close friends or lovers. I find myself face to face with people on a daily basis discussing and analyzing these very-private facts. I struggle not to become hardened – as I see happening in many other attorneys and judges.

See you at the BBQ !

2006-04-12T07:02:00.000-05:00

Some new clients tell me about their previous experience with attorneys. They felt their attorney was a bit too chummy with the other attorney. Seeing people act friendly to each other during the worst crisis in your life drums up a picture: the two attorneys having a BBQ, laughing, and making secret deals to "screw" you and line their pockets with money.

I am frequently conflicted over this - I want to be courteous and friendly to everyone. At the same time I want to be a loyal, aggressive representative for my client. I believe in the old saying: you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Being mean to the other side makes them dig in and fight harder. Ultimately, that is bad for me and bad for my client.

Sometimes judges hate certain cases

2006-04-05T16:16:00.000-05:00

There are some cases that make judges sick. Thoses are the cases that neither party is willing to give an inch. The whole thing is locked in an endless battle. The kids are frequently caught in the middle. And attorneys are stuck between wanting out - and not willing to abandon their client.

Caught you!

2006-03-28T18:22:00.000-05:00

An opposing counsel on one of my cases brought her client to the final hearing. That is where the judge approves the mediated settlement agreement and enters final judgment. It is customary for one side to appear and the other side to not appear. There is an unspoken rule - that the attorney who appears does not attempt to change the agreed upon judgment.

Well it finally happened. Another attorney tried to pull a fast one. She tried to change the deal we had. Thank god the judge sensed something fishy and refused to enter judgment. You ever hear the phrase "I have seen it all!" ? Well just when I thought I have seen it all - something like this happens.

Gee, why is it that some people don't like lawyers? ;-)

Visit my web page for some really good STUFF about divorce
Tampa Florida Divorce Attorney

Beginning step - an overview of the divorce process

A description of the documents to gather for your case
The divorce petition
How the petition is served on your spouse
Financial disclosure
The discovery process - depositions, interrogatories, and requests to produce
Negotiation - working toward a negotiated settlement agreement
The mediation process - working with a court appointed mediator
The Final Hearing - if mediation is successful
Case management conference and pretrial conference
Motions - motion for contempt, motion for temporary support, motion to compel
Evidence in a courtroom - problems and opportunities
Final Trial - if all issues are still contested
General Florida divorce statute 61.052

Child Custody Factors

An overview of how a judge chooses the parent to have custody of the children

The child's home situation, school situation, and involvement with the community
Each parent's mental, physical, and moral state
How permanent the proposed home is - of the custodial parent
Continuity of the situation - if the child's life will stay stable
The Ability to provide for the child - food, shelter, clothing, etc
The love, affection, and ties with the child - from each parent
Past episodes of domestic violence and how they affect custody
The parent who allows contact or interferes with visitation
Child custody statute - Florida
Child support statute 61.13
Relocation with children statute
Rotating child custody - a description

Property Distribution - Equitable Distribution

Typical items in the home that are subject to equitable distribution

What happens when only one name is on the title
Typical men's items in a divorce and who gets them
Typical women's items in a divorce and who gets them
How cash, stocks, cds, bonds, etc are divided
The family pet - who gets the pet
Who gets the house in a divorce
Appliances and other items in the home
Cars / Automobiles
Is the property marital or non marital
Property distribution statute 61.075

Alimony - How it is decided

The different factors a court considers when deciding on alimony

Overview of alimony - permanent periodic alimony - lump sum alimony - rehabilitative alimony
How the length of the marriage affects alimony
The employment prospects of both spouses
The age of either spouse
The standard of living established during the marriage
Each person's contribution to the marriage
The assets each person has available to sustain their lifestyle
The current income of either spouse
How fairness and justice help decide alimony
Florida alimony statute 61.08
New Florida Alimony law

Child Support - Calculation and Issues

Child support overview and main menu
The state of Florida - general policy on child support
How child support is calculated
Child Support enforcement in Florida and the long arm of the law
Florida child support statute 61.13

Misc Family Law Subjects

Domestic Violence Injunctions
Getting the other party to pay attorney fees
Social Security and divorce
How to bring documents and photos to Court
Mediation in a divorce
Legal Separation in Florida
Self help resources
How to behave in Court
Court locations in Hillsborough, Pinellas, Pasco, and Hernando
A selection of Florida divorce forms

Special Reports for Divorce Issues in Florida

A checklist for people that have been served with divorce papers - summons
Domestic violence injunctions
Divorce and family owned businesses - an overview
7 ways to make your divorce smoother
7 common divorce myths
About The Divorce Center
Divorce attorney Howard Iken - a letter to our clients
Stress studies and divorce
10 steps to reduce stress
Divorce distractions for Pinellas County Florida
Divorce and the sale of the marital home
The future of legal services - divorce services
6 ways to reduce the paid of divorce
News report - forget divorce court
News report - new website for divorce education
In divorce - women no longer have all the power

Topics for Business Owners and Their Spouses in a Florida Divorce

Divorce and Business ownership - an overview

Family businesses and the divorce process
Divorce and IRS Taxes
What if your spouse cheated the IRS - what happens in a divorce
Business Valuation Strategy for the Business Owner in a Divorce
Strategy for the Spouse of a Business Owner in a Divorce
Business valuation - how it is done and an overview

High conflict divorces can both excite and sadden me

2006-03-15T21:10:00.000-05:00

There is nothing more exciting than the fight - in a high conflict divorce. Intricate strategy, thinking on your feet, and long range planning can win the war for your client. There is nothing better. I can prove my skills and show the client they hired the right person.

But I frequently think of all the money spent in a high conflict divorce. The same money that could be spent on children, a home, or the pursuit of a better life. Unfortunately it takes two to realize the folly. Sometimes I have no choice but to participate in the waste because one or both spouses want to continue fighting. I enjoy using my skills but try to always be aware of the big picture.

Mutual Assured Destruction (MAD)

2006-03-07T20:55:00.000-05:00

Back in the sixties, seventies, and eighties, the U.S. and the U.S.S.R. had a policy with their nuclear weapons -- they called this policy MAD. The basic theory was if either country launched a nuclear war the other country would respond with equal force. Each side had enough weapons to ensure everyone's destruction. So both sides had a strong incentive not to declare war.

Some people ask me what happens when a divorce attorney divorces. The short answer: we normally don't. My wife and I have decided on our own version of MAD. The moment we feel a divorce is needed, we will simultaneously kill each other. This is good. Now, we have a strong incentive never to divorce :-)

Wow! What is it about March?

2006-03-07T07:58:00.000-05:00

For those of you that are curious, things are very hectic in a divorce attorney's office in February/March. The telephone has not stopped ringing. I would like to do a study - how the time of the year affects divorce filings. Unfortunately, the study will not be done anytime soon. Things are way too busy.

For those people calling in for free consults - we apologize for our decision to temporarily suspend free telephone consultations. Things are way too busy and current clients are our priority.

Mo - get your fingers out of my eyes!

2006-02-21T21:41:00.000-05:00

"Horseshit!" the other attorney said. I thought the telephone must be bad - so I listened a bit more carefully. Again the word "horseshit" bellowed out of the phone. That was the "legal" defense an opposing attorney was presenting to me after receiving my paperwork. He actually seemed angry at me for defending my client. I have seen a lot recently but this was new. Who knows, maybe the next thing I see will come straight out of a 3 stooges show. I file something to defend my client and someone conks me on the head with a mallet. Or maybe the thing that always made me smile - a blowtorch to the rear. If another attorney is going to act like a stooge, at least make me laugh !

The choice always belongs to the client

2006-02-10T07:42:00.000-05:00

I have a handful of cases that are extremely high conflict. The two parties cannot speak to each other without blowing up. The attorneys do not get along. Dirty tricks are common.

These type of cases share several predictable qualities:

They take a long time
They cost a lot of money
They have the potential to damage children
They drain marital assets

I don't like high conflict cases. But I understand that clients need to depend on their attorney - especially during a high conflict case.

When there is no other choice I get very aggressive during these cases. I feel guilty when the charges to the client get really high. But the one thing I try to remember, what keeps everything in perspective is this: my client always has a choice to stop - and settle.

Beware - the attorney that shoots you in the foot during mediation

2006-02-05T09:44:00.000-05:00

Mediation is mandatory in divorce cases. More important, mediation is the best chance you have of ending your case early and getting a good amount of what you want. The reality is that 95% of cases settle at mediation or slightly after mediation.

There are some attorneys that do not want your case to settle. They would rather stir up trouble and encourage you to fight on. In the end you will probably get a similar deal. But that similar deal will take an additional year and MANY thousands of dollars.

Attorneys don't always know best. You should take control of your case. If you sense your attorney is not settlement minded, I encourage you to get a new attorney. Because a non-settlement minded attorney is not working in your interest.

***** Just a note - I believe in fighting in the instances it is absolutely necessary for your case. But those cases are 1 in 100. If you have that 1 in 100 - make sure your attorney is prepared to put on a good fight.

Lets play a game of "I know more people than you"

2006-01-25T07:17:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I like to play amateur psychologist. VERY amateur - but I still get a kick out of it. I like to observe a game lawyers play when they are in the courthouse. I call the game "I know more people than you." It goes something like this: lawyer walks through the courthouse and acts like Al Gore running for president. All of sudden, they know everyone and can relate to everyone. "See you at the BBQ this weekend" is a common opening line. Followed by: "You like mountain climbing? I love mountain climbing!" The lawyer knows everyone, likes everyone, and relates to everyone.

The hidden goal: to communicate to the opposing party a clear message. The message is: I know everyone, I have pull, and I can get anything I want. If you are so unfortunate as to be in court try to recognize this strategy for what it is. The appearance of "pull" is an illusion. The other lawyer: a master of smoke and mirrors.

Isn't it easier to work things out?

2006-01-20T17:01:00.000-05:00

Some of you go through elaborate schemes to cheat on your spouse - and eventually get caught.

Some of you hit your spouse - and get hit back or arrested.

Some of you live in a sexless relationship - and plot for the day when the marriage ends.

And some of you argue, scream, and stomp around endlessly - and live a miserable life.

Then:

You hire an attorney.

You pay a lot of your hard earned money.

You live in hell for up to a year - or sometimes a lot longer.

Your life revolves around: spending money on your divorce, on daily fear, on daily hate, and on doing damage control with your children.

You have to ask yourself:

Wouldn't it be a whole lot easier - to apologize, to get counseling, to just work things out?

At The Divorce Center, we sincerely hope you do everything in your power to save your marriage. If that is not possible we hope you consider us as your attorney.

This is really funny

2006-01-19T20:44:00.000-05:00

A new client hired us today after interviewing several attorneys. He told us about a particularly funny sales tactic by another attorney: the other unnamed attorney props his feet up on his desk and says to the potential client "I can get you anything you want - I am the best!" He then holds up one hand with five finger extended - to show how much of a retainer is needed.

Fortunately, us attorneys are not immune to funny stuff like this. We walked around the office for a week flashing each other the "five."

Even though this was a really funny story, I am disturbed a fellow member of the profession would use this tactic. This is not only against Bar rules, but damages the reputation of lawyers. As a group we are honest and very hard working. A few bad apples makes all of us look bad. If you are shopping for lawyers, I encourage you to look some more if you run into one of the "bad apples."

I'm back !

2006-01-12T19:58:00.000-05:00

Happy new year to everyone! I survived a trip to Times Square to watch the ball drop. Of course my desk was full of fun things when I got back. Some people fought over visitation issues - right through the holidays.

My resolution for 2006:

This will not be the year I desensitize from my client's cause. I will try to remain aware at all times that most of my clients are going through a life changing experience.

Holiday time

2005-12-23T06:13:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukka !!!!

Christmas visitation - almost done

2005-12-14T19:28:00.000-05:00

During the last three days I have been involve in multiple fights, in various cases, about Christmas visitation. What a pain in the you know what! Why can't parents be sane and not try to use their children as pawns? Whether you win the battle or lose the battle there is one sure fact: the children lose big.

Sometimes the gloves have to come off

2005-12-08T20:21:00.000-05:00

The practice of law is ideally a professional, courteous job. Attorneys are supposed to show respect for the court, each other, and the legal system. Above all we are supposed to have respect for fairness and justice. You are probably thinking this sounds a bit gimpy. Just the same, I like to believe I am doing something noble.

But every now and then, I come up against a lawyer that does not believe in these principles. I do my best to ignore it and remain courteous and respectful. But that doesn’t mean I can ignore unprofessional behavior forever. And at that time, the gloves come off. I can be as mean and aggressive as anyone out there.

It’s not necessarily a good thing. And I will never learn to like it.

Here comes the holidays - and a run of visitation battles

2005-12-03T08:27:00.000-05:00

When the holidays come around an annual struggle takes place. This struggle will determine which days the children will spend with each parent during the holidays. Everyone wants christmas. A frequent compromise is as follows: the children spend christmas eve with one parent, until 10 am on christmas day. Then the children go to the other parent for the rest of the weekend.

Everyone wants to appear generous and offer the children to the other parent for New Years. But if you think about it, New Years is an adult holiday. Parents tend to find sitters for their children on New Years. So this is a pretty transparent strategy.

This is also the time of year parents jockey with each other to look like they are complying with visitation - without giving up too much. If only everyone can be sane, holidays would not be so complex.

Yes, divorce does seem to slow down for the holidays

2005-11-30T17:33:00.000-05:00

For you curiousity seekers - divorce clients do thin out in the period before the holidays. There are still new clients coming in right now. But the volume is down.

But the month after New Years will be crazy.

A lawyer that lies????

2005-11-23T15:04:00.000-05:00

I know the general public does not like attorneys. But in general, the bad reputation is undeserved. We are the only profession that can end up on charges if we lie to the public. At least, I take my professional ethics seriously.

Even so, I do run into an occasional lawyer that does something to make me ashamed of my profession. In a hearing yesterday, I listened as another lawyer lied through his eyeballs (a favorite saying of mine). There was little I could do. It was a matter of my word against the word of another. There were only three people listening and one of them was a judge. But I know it probably happens and I also know this has something to do with our reputation.

I apologize on the behalf of all lawyers that consider the truth a necessity. There are a lot of us that feel that way. The only problem is: the ones that don’t feel that way are the most noticeable.

Learn about:

Divorce – Custody – Property – Alimony – Child Support - Misc

Forget Divorce Court -- As More Courts and Attorneys Embrace Mediation, Most Florida Divorces Never Make it to Court

2005-11-18T15:24:00.000-05:00

Forget Divorce Court -- As More Courts and Attorneys Embrace Mediation, Most Florida Divorces Never Make it to Court

When divorce attorney Howard Iken, http://www.18884mydivorce.com/ speaks with new clients, the first thing they talk about is “going to court.” The reality is they will probably never see the inside of a courtroom. The reason -- the overwhelming majority settle at mediation.
(PRWEB) November 11, 2005 -- When divorce attorney Howard Iken, http://www.18884mydivorce.com/ speaks with new clients, the first thing they talk about is “going to court.” The reality is they will probably never see the inside of a courtroom. The reason -- the overwhelming majority settle at mediation.Conjure up an image of divorce. The average person visualizes people sitting in a courtroom, giving testimony, with a judge at a bench presiding over everything. The reality of most divorces is dramatically different. Forget high profile, exciting confrontations in courtrooms built 50 years ago. The vast majority of divorces in Florida are relatively boring exchanges of paperwork and telephone calls. The extensive paperwork and telephone calls all lead to one event -- mediation. With 95% of cases settling at mediation, going to court is largely becoming something obsolete.In Florida, and in many states in the U.S., mediation is becoming a mandatory step. And mediation appears to work. Howard Iken, managing partner at The Divorce Center (http://www.18884mydivorce.com/), a divorce law practice in the Tampa Bay region, observes over 95% of divorce cases settle by the time they get to mediation. Of the 10% that do not settle by mediation, approximately 9% settle some time before final trial. The bottom line is that approximately 1 out of 100 divorce cases go through the colorful confrontation that many people visualize. 99 out of 100 cases never make it to court.

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Divorce – Custody – Property – Alimony – Child Support - Misc

I thought they looked a bit TOO friendly to each other

2005-11-11T16:46:00.000-05:00

I was working on an uncontested divorce. Initially, both parties came in to see me. They looked as stiff as totem poles and tried their best not to look at each other. One retained me to process an uncontested divorce (all issues agreed upon). The other went home with a settlement agreement to look over - with the understanding that a lawyer cannot represent both people and my strict instruction to get his own lawyer if anything was not understood.

The next meeting, 2 weeks later was much different. Both came in to see me and present a fully signed copy. They were relaxed and very gentle toward each other. Being the trained lawyer that I am - I suspected foul play!

Sure enough, there was something wrong. A week later, I called to let them know the date for the final hearing. It turned out they were trying to call me that day. The whole thing was called off. They wanted to stay married.

I realized, all the paper I threw at them achieved another purpose - to let them know how horrible divorce was. They rediscovered the reasons that made them originally get married - and how I was about to ruin everything. I went home that day feeling very positive.

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Divorce – Custody – Property – Alimony – Child Support - Misc

Keep it cool in court

2005-11-01T14:46:00.000-05:00

Many people cannot control themselves in court. They desperately want to vent their feelings in front of the judge. They think "this isn't fair" or "this whole thing stinks!" These feeling come out in words, facial movements, or body language.

If there is a time to be humble, it is in front of a judge. Swallow your anger and pride. Judges are only human. When faced with negative emotions, they make negative decisions.

The best posture to take in court is even keeled, honest, and rational. When you are going to court swallow your pride.

When there are children - try not to be destructive

2005-10-21T13:32:00.000-05:00

What could be going through some people's heads? Some divorcing couples make a huge effort to destroy each other's lives. Sometimes they are successful. The end result is a child that loses a fully functional father or mother. The destroyed parent is left to mend their ruined financial or emotional life - no longer able to act as a normal parent.

Some people thing they scored a big win over the other spouse. The reality is a huge loss for the children.

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Divorce – Custody – Property – Alimony – Child Support - Misc

Depositions - overused and potentially harmful

2005-10-16T16:42:00.000-05:00

A deposition is a meeting where an attorney gets to ask someone questions - out of the ear shot of the judge. Everything you say is recorded by a reporter. The reporter produces a detailed, word for word transcript of everything you say. But the transcript can only be used for one thing: to challenge you in court if you say something different.

I see depositions overused. Nothing makes a lawyer look more like a lawyer than taking a deposition.

Nothing!

But I have found depositions conducted by the other side to be tremendously helpful to my client. During the deposition, every concern, every issue, and almost every potential question the opposing attorney has is put in the air - right in front of me. I love it when the opposing attorney takes a deposition. I leave with a detailed road map of everything I need to prepare for.

Diary of a Divorce Lawyer - The Divorce Center of Tampa Bay

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Divorce – Custody – Property – Alimony – Child Support - Misc

Arriving late is a strategy?

2005-10-08T07:15:00.000-05:00

One thing I have noticed about many other lawyers, they are consistently late for mediations and depositions. There is no judge at a mediation or deposition. But the vast majority of lawyers magically arive on time for court hearings. That leads me to believe they are using some type of misguided strategy when they show up late. One of my clients suggested they are arriving late so the opposing party becomes nervious. My belief is that showing up late is a "shoot yourself in the foot" strategy. It punishes your own client and it can cause the opposing party to become more difficult.

Many years ago, I thought lawyers were some sort of mysterious gathering of wisdom. Now I see things as they really are. Like in the famous scene in the Wizard of OZ, you pull the curtain aside and you may not appreciate what you see.

Attorneys do not have all the answers

2005-09-29T07:31:00.000-05:00

People frequently ask me questions such as: "When should I tell my spouse about my desire for a divorce", or "Should I make trouble by telling my spouse's lover about potential exposure to herpes?" They are convinced their attorney has a high level of wisdom and their attorney's suggestion will be the right suggestion.

Dealing with divorce on a daily basis changes people - especially attorneys. We see the same things over and over again. A lot of the so-called wisdom is replaced by cynicism.

If you want to get a divorce, call a good divorce attorney. If you want wisdom, listen to the voice in the back of your head. You are more likely to get an answer that makes sense for your situation.

There is less court involvement than most people think

2005-09-21T10:51:00.000-05:00

One thing that is surprising for most - there is very little involvement with the courts for many cases. 95% of cases settle before or at mediation. And until mediation fails, there is very little court involvement. When mediation produces an agreement, the agreement goes before a judge in a final hearing. That final hearing is short and simple.

What this means is that attorneys control all of the action for most cases. So when you pick your attorney, check to see if that attorney likes to take everything to a contested trial. If so, you will be assured of spending a huge sum of money.

Visitation - clients must "bite the bullet"

2005-09-17T07:17:00.000-05:00

The Florida Statutes have a list of factors a judge must consider when deciding custody issues. One of the most important factors weighs whether a parent will allow contact between the children and the other parent. An unreasonable parent that wants to restrict visitation will be at a disadvantage later on. It is IMPORTANT for a divorcing parent to do everything right in the initial stages of a divorce. This includes being reasonable on visitation issues.

It is very possible to get exactly what you want right now, but shoot yourself in the foot for later court proceedings.

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Divorce – Custody – Property – Alimony – Child Support - Misc

It is always a fine line between agreement and all out war

2005-09-09T11:56:00.000-05:00

Sometimes the parties come to an agreement and then refuse to sign it at the last moment. They get so close to ending the whole mess. Usually, the thing that causes a refusal to sign is tiny and insignificant. But in a divorce - tiny, insignificant things blow up to giant, significant things.

It is those tiny things that can burn up thousands of dollars. And it is the tiny things that are usually based on emotion instead of real world issues. I suggest everyone faced with an important decision take a step back for a day and decide what is really important to them: getting on with their life, or fighting to the end.

Balancing costs with results

2005-09-07T08:50:00.000-05:00

The decision making process in a divorce involves financial tradeoffs. Many people get so hooked into the emotional side of divorce, they lose sight of the financial side.

There are two things you should always have in mind: the results you want and the cost of trying to get those results. The cost is usually your attorney fees. Unfortunately, many people spend more on the attorney than the amount they receive for the effort.

A good attorney will discuss these issues and help you make a good decision.

This only benefits the lawyers

2005-09-03T07:03:00.000-05:00

Every day I see people that want to fight it out - at any cost. Some situations are clear cut. A good lawyer will tell you that. In those type of situations the people that come to a settlement during mediation come out ahead. The people that do not, and there are many people that stubbornly fight on, end up where they would if they settled at mediation.

When this happens, the only people that benefit are the lawyers. It's not a good thing.

Smooth is best

2005-08-30T10:54:00.000-05:00

Divorce is a really tense, adversarial process. But a lot of that "stuff" goes to waste. All of that mental energy, all of that stress, all of that anger does very little in the end - except to make clients and attorneys miserable. The rule of thumb in divorce: Keep it smooth. Do everything deliberately, with purpose, and with thought. Think twice before saying anything.

In the end, this is a thinking person's game.

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Divorce – Custody – Property – Alimony – Child Support - Misc

If uncontested is a possibility - jump on it!

2005-08-25T20:50:00.000-05:00

Divorce can be so miserable for some people, if there is any ray of hope for uncontested - you should jump on it. I see so many situations where people want to fight for one reason - they are hurt and want revenge. Believe me, that is not a good reason for prolonging and intensifying your divorce. I see many more situations where the basic issues are close, or almost uncontested.

When I see the possibility for this, I push hard for my client to settle. After all, the marital breakup is water under the bridge. Your life can get better from that point. Why not start the good times sooner?

Some women are virtual prisoners

2005-08-20T08:03:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I see women that are prisoners in their marriage. Their husbands have all the power - financially and physically. Some husbands threaten their wives with physical harm. Others have everything in their names and carefully control all financial resources.

These are really tough situations and require a lot of courage. The wife has to overcome many potential problems if she wants a divorce. There is no way to completely eliminate the problems.

But the alternative to divorce is even worse. These women are at risk when they get older. What happens when the wife is older, in her 50s or 60s? What happens when the husband "throws her away" at that age? What happens if she has no resources, or earning power when she is thrown away?

Sometimes, the short-term action that requires extreme courage - is the very best course of action.

It is really tough when you don't have an attorney

2005-08-17T11:44:00.000-05:00

I see and hear it all of the time. If you go into court without your own attorney and the other party has an attorney - you may be in for an eye opening experience.

There are very complex rules governing what you can say, and when you can say it. Attorneys know all these rules. You don't.

But the biggest thing to overcome is the judge's familiarity with the attorney and the fact that the judge does not know you. Sometimes this can be a HUGE disadvantage. Sometimes, you may walk out of court feeling like you were not allowed to say anything to support your case.

If you have been watching a lot of Judge Judy on TV, get it out of your head. Things are different in a real court.

Uncontested divorces - a bright spot in the day

2005-08-14T09:47:00.000-05:00

It is always pleasant to see an uncontested divorce. Two adults, deciding it is not working out. Sometimes they have children. And they both know the most important issue is the future of the children.

I doesn't happen many times. But when a divorce is truly uncontested, it is the highlight of my month. At it's core, that is what my job is about. Helping people make a major transition in their lives. I feel very positive when I can pull this off.

Child support can be a huge burden

2005-08-09T15:13:00.000-05:00

When a client first learns the amount of child support there is always an initial look of shock on their face. Child support can be a huge burden - especially on people that earn a modest living. Paying child support is a given in Florida. And there is nothing much you can do about the amount. It is calculated off of a guidelines chart.

The moral of the story. If you think a divorce is in your future, think twice and then think again about having children.

Is mediation really a solution?

2005-08-05T20:11:00.000-05:00

You cannot go to trial in a divorce action until both sides have attempted to mediate. That means each side sits in a room with their attorney and a neutral third person, the mediator, tries to get everyone to compromise and settle.

But the ugly truth is most attorneys put extreme pressure on their clients to settle. The attorney is between a rock and a hard place. The client should never be pressured to settle. It should be their own decision, to settle or not settle. But the reality is that a decision to not settle could mean thousands of dollars more in attorney fees. Sometimes the fees chew up all the assets the couple is fighting over.

Mediation is not the relaxed, wonderful process it is cut out to be.

Divorce and Remarriage Can Roil Family Businesses - New York Times

2005-08-02T20:09:00.000-05:00

Divorce and Remarriage Can Roil Family Businesses - New York Times

Some lawyers are part of the problem, not the solution

2005-07-31T20:10:00.000-05:00

The one thing an attorney must not do is get personally involved in a case. An important value the divorce attorney brings to the table is objectivity. They help steer a client through a very emotional time. The attorney does this by helping a client look beyond emotion to see the pros and cons of their decisions.

Some attorneys are not so good at this because they bring a lot of their own emotions to the table. We try to be above the emotions, but in the end we are only human.

It takes a lot of courage

2005-07-26T18:46:00.000-05:00

Everyone that visits me for the first time has something in common. They all have courage. Courage to seek change, courage to disturb the status quo, courage to rise up to a challenge.

I do my best to relax everyone. I use soft lighting in the office. I greet everyone with a smile, and an offer of a soft drink. But the one thing I cannot do is reduce the enormity of their situations. People come in my office because something very important is happening in their lives. That very important thing hits them when they walk through the door of a divorce attorney's office. I try to recognize the importance of their personal situation, and then try hard to be the person they expect to see.

My own divorce lawyer from years ago called me

2005-07-24T10:30:00.000-05:00

Here is an interesting situation. I went through my own divorce - many years ago. That experience was one of the factors that made me decide to become a divorce attorney.

I recently got a surprise call from my former attorney. He noticed my name all over the place. He called me to ask for advice.

One of the interesting twists of life.

WIStv.com Columbia, SC: Study: divorce rate is falling mostly because couples are not marrying

2005-07-21T20:05:00.000-05:00

WIStv.com Columbia, SC: Study: divorce rate is falling mostly because couples are not marrying

I send out a summons - routine for me - not so routine for the recipient

2005-07-19T20:41:00.000-05:00

A divorce begins when I send out a process server to deliver a summons to the other party. It seems so simple, so routine. But then again, it is more like the drop of a bomb to the other party. I try not to think into it too deeply. The purpose of a divorce is not to start a war. It is more about renewal and the start of a new life.

Every day I am bombarded with people's situations

2005-07-16T20:18:00.000-05:00

Every day, all day, I listed to situations of many different people. Many are in crisis. Many are afraid, angry, and tired. Some people just want to get it over with.

They all have something in common: everyone represents a set of facts. Children, money, property, and violence. Many lawyers become hardened from dealing with the same facts over and over again.

I have to constantly remind myself - my clients are going through the biggest crisis of their life. I am determined never to become hardened.

The Divorce Center - New Port Richey Florida - Divorce Attorney Howard Iken

2005-07-15T19:51:00.000-05:00

Be sure to look through my website. I have spent the last two years loading the website with great, free information. http://www.18884mydivorce.com

Florida Supreme Court decides rotating custody - difficult to change

2005-07-13T08:34:00.000-05:00

The Florida Supreme Court recently decided a case concerning people already divorced, that initially had a rotating custody arrangement for their children. When the FL Sup. Court decides a case, all courts in Florida have to follow that decision in new cases.

The situation: If you have a divorce decree giving both parents rotating custody and one parent - years later - wants to challenge that arrangement and get primary custody (primary residential responsibility).

After this latest decision: It is VERY difficult to change from rotating custody. The Court decided on a test called the "Extraordinary Burden" test. Basically, this test makes it extremely difficult to change custody from a rotating arrangement.

***** One of the things a divorce attorney must do is to constantly read cases and new laws. Existing law can change on almost a daily basis. A good attorney keeps up with the changes.

Hearing on payment of health insurance

2005-07-10T07:26:00.000-05:00

This is a short term marriage and there are not many marital assets. Both spouses have professional skills and are able to make a living. But one spouse refuses to work because of a long list of illnesses. That spouse insists the other spouse should continue to pay for health insurance - even after the divorce.

The problem is - those illnesses were never diagnosed by professionals. And the illnesses seemed to pop up at a convenient time, right during a drawn out, hostile divorce. Spouse claims cannot afford insurance. Also claims illnesses make it vital for my client to pay for health insurance.

After a bit of background checking. It turns out the opposing party sold several houses over the past several years, earning a large amount of money. These large sums were not reported on the opposing party's financial affidavit - which is a big no-no in court proceedings.

The judge was shown this was a short term marriage and the opposing party had lots of assets to pay for insurance. Result - opposing party's request for health insurance denied.

The only thing to fear is fear itself

2005-07-05T14:12:00.000-05:00

Some clients are their own biggest enemy. They are so frozen with fear they are unable to act. This becomes a problem when I need information from them that is required in their divorce. An example: all divorces require each party to make detailed financial disclosures to the other party. This means numbers, tax returns, bank statements, etc. If my clients don't make an effort to give me what I need - they have given the other party a weapon that can be used against them. Once a court orders you to do something you should have done already, the court also orders you to pay the other sides attorney fees.

This is the most common problem divorce attorneys have in dealing with their own client.

Like a knife twisting in my stomach

2005-07-04T08:27:00.000-05:00

That’s what it feels like to lose a case. That’s right. I said lose a case. You can’t win every case. That’s simple reality. I define losing as not getting the judge to decide my client gets exactly what they want. Some of my client’s react to the loss by showing fear, panic, and then crying by my side in court.

I feel like I betrayed them and I feel pain – like someone plunged a knife in my stomach. I used to spend the next day asking myself: “what if I said this, or did that – would I have won?” I have since learned that beating myself up does not help anyone. I do my best on every case. My VERY BEST. I still experience a sense of pain sometimes. But I don’t go home and celebrate my fee – win or lose. That’s what most people imagine about divorce lawyers. They couldn’t be more wrong.

Is loss of money a good reason to stay in a marriage?

2005-07-02T08:48:00.000-05:00

Many people come in to discuss how much money or property they will lose if they decide to divorce. Some people decide to stay married based on their desire to keep property.

You need to put it in perspective. Think of all the great experiences you can have in your new life. Now put a price tag on never having those experiences.

I love being a divorce attorney.

2005-07-01T14:08:00.000-05:00

I think this is the best job in the world. I get to talk with people all day, every day. I have immense power to help them through a difficult time of their lives.

Plus, I get to try to out-think, and out-argue other attorneys.

Take my word for it: this is a LOT of fun.

Domestic Violence Court

2005-07-01T13:59:00.000-05:00

In case you are not familiar with Domestic Violence Court: the insiders call it "Jerry Springer" Court. People seeking a Domestice Violence Injunction (DVI) must prove to a judge that they have been physically battered or are in fear of physical harm. If the judge grants a DVI, one person is prohibited from coming within 500 feet of the other. The punishment if the DVI is violated - arrest and criminal charges.

Domestic Violence Court is related to Divorce the same way bombers are related to ground troops. Some people use it to soften up the opponent before the full assault. A successful DVI filing could immediately establish who gets the house and who gets child custody.

The bottom line: if you are in a situation where divorce is in the near future - do not hit or threaten the other person. You may find yourself out in the street. Even though a DVI is not a criminal charge - it stays on your record forever. Many employers will look down on a DVI charge in your record.

Florida's new alimony law

2005-06-30T18:54:00.000-05:00

Florida recently passes a law that allows termination of alimony in some situations. The person paying alimony can try to prove the person receiving alimony is in a "supportive" relationship, similar to marriage.

The law was passed within the past 30 days. I am starting to hear from more people interested if the law will help them. But most cannot prove what they really need to prove - that one person is supporting the other person financially.

Emergency pickup order for child

2005-06-29T18:20:00.000-05:00

A person sent a child to Florida from another state - to spend the summer with a friend. The other parent originally abandoned the child, never paid child support, and never partipated in parenting. The other parent learned of the child's presence in Florida and got the local court to issue a emergency pickup order - based on danger to the child. Any time an emergency pickup order is issued by a court, a followup hearing is scheduled within 14 days to allow both parties to support or oppose the original order. In this case, the court decided that because the original parent/custodian was now with the child, the emergency was over. The court ordered the child to be returned to that parent.

Moral of the story: if you have a potential custody dispute in the near future, do not let your child out of your personal control - even for several days.

Website

2005-06-29T18:12:00.000-05:00

www.18884mydivorce.com

The old hide the shell game

2005-06-23T19:25:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I see a divorce where there is a family business. It reminds me of "the old hide the shell" game. A common technique of some business owners is to shift assets under someone elses name - to avoid the reach of a divorcing spouse. The assets end up under a variety of names in different combinations.

These cases are tough but they can be tackled. The trick is to "unravel" all the transactions and show they were done for fraudulent purposes. If the evidence is clear, a court can undo many types of transactions.

It is hard - but can be done.

A different kind of client in a divorce practice

2005-06-19T18:58:00.000-05:00

Different people react very differently to a divorce. Some sit at my desk and cry. Some are so afraid they can barely talk. Others are mostly afraid of the expense. The common denominator is they all want to move on with their lives. The biggest step was walking into a lawyer's office. It takes a lot of courage to make that first step.