Fear Drives the Process

In the traditional gender roles, fear drives the process. The women worry that will end up on the street without a source of support. The men worry they will be turned into an ATM card while their spouse lives a life of luxury. I think everyone thinks the worst - fueled by television, movies, and a million friends that have gone through a divorce.

More often than not I feel hardened to their fear. I know the process is one of compromise and that life will ultimately go on. Situations pass and life continues. I am a positive person and I try to transfer that feeling to clients. Some of the most rewarding moments happen in mediation. In the beginning the fear hangs on everyones faces. After a successful mediation, everyone starts to crack a smile. They realize the worst didn't happen. Honestly, I wish I could enjoy their relief. But sometimes, all I feel is is fatigue from being so deeply immersed in someone's life.

Life is a Time Machine

A client came into my office today and said something about reading all of my blog posts. I must admit, I felt a bit invaded for a moment. You can see by the date of this post - I have not posted to or read through this blog for 3 years !!!

I remembered my writings in this blog and their personal nature. Somehow, over the past three years I have developed a hard shell - kind of like an M & M candy, but less sweet. I had stopped expressing myself in the same way as the person that wrote this blog, so long ago.

This evening I sat down to read the blog and realized the valuable thing I built. I had created the software version of a time machine. I now have the ability to look into the past and see the inner mind of the stranger that used to be me.

There is a value to all of this. I now plan to return here at intervals and post my thoughts.

If my job were that simple

Week after week goes by. I win some hearings, lose some, and there are a certain number where no one knows who won. I try to not allow the hearings to affect me. But if happens anyway. Sometimes I feel great and sometimes I feel there is a large knife slowly twisting in my stomach. There are some weeks where the stress of the week sends me home on Friday with a feeling that I am hollow inside, devoid of the capability of having human feelings. Sometimes that bothers me because that is the way many people see attorneys - and it is not a complement they are paying us. Recently, someone commented attorneys are like "used car salesmen." But that probably is not true because used car salesmen have more simplicity in their lives. If my job were only that simple.

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Some of us become psychotic

I recently had a short stint on a unique case. The opposing party was one of the more prominent attorneys in Florida. On the surface she was as smooth as silk. Her presentations in court - excellent. Just below the surface - she was a mess. There was an honest admission she was on a variety of meds for anxiety and depression. She could not speak to me without shaking. In a private discussion, I began to wonder if I would find a knife blade in my chest.

I have to wonder if this is a profession where we sacrifice ourselves and our sanity to give clients a second chance at life. I am very careful about myself. I have seen too much and do not want to become one of the people I pity.

Good attorneys vs Bad attorneys

A good attorney:

Does not take money for a goal that is impossible to achieve
Settles a high percentage of cases at mediation
Does not "fan the flames" - helps the client keep a cool head
Does not take $1,500 retainer on what is obviously a $10,000 case without telling the client how much it will probably end up
Returns phone calls to the client


A bad attorney:

Takes all cases - no matter how unrealistic the client is
Never settles
Pushes all cases to go to trial
Does not give a honest estimate on costs
Returns phone calls 3 days later
Takes an unrealistically low retainer - while knowing the retainer will be exhausted in 3 weeks.

Not a dry eye in the gallery

Golfers have the perfect shot that beautifully arcs through the sky, dances on the green, and then gently settles into the hole. Doctors see their patient spring back to life And builders watch their skyscrapers climb into the air. Everyone has something that makes their hearts swell, that sends a thrill through their spine, that give them the kind of pride that only a job well done can give.

Lawyers have the equivalent: a brilliant closing statement. Not just any type of good closing statement. The kind you see in the movies. All odds are against you, and everyone hates you. The moment arrives for a closing statement. And then a god-inspired surge of creativity hits you. Closed minds are suddendly open. The judge looks up with renewed hope. Everyone in the room is in rapture. And there is not a dry eye in the gallery.

Unfortunately, I have yet to have that moment. I make good closing statements and always feel satisfied. But there is never that television-like moment. I am satisfied with less: a good settlement for the client, no flat tire on my car, and the anticipation of seeing my wife and animals at home.

Sometimes it's the little things that make life good.

A week spent in a variety of courts

This week I had a bunch of hearings, all in different courts, with different judges. One of the tricks of practicing law is to learn the preferences of the judges you see. Because the same set of facts, and the same situation, might receive 6 different rulings, depending on the judge that makes the decision. There is no black and white in the law. And sometimes in marital law, all bets are off.


An overview of how a judge chooses the parent to have custody of the children



Child custody statute - Florida


Child support statute 61.13

The equivalent of the $500 toilet seat

Those of us that go a bit further back can remember a time when the newspapers screamed about the $500 toilet seats and $250 hammers. It appeared that the US Military was overpaying for everything and wasting our money to the extreme - all courtesy of the american taxpayers.

Many situations remind me of the $500 toilet. One in particular happens all of the time. Many attorneys need to clear up one tiny fact, or communicate one tiny fact. You would think they would pick up the telephone and invest in a 3 minute phone call. But that would violate the principle of the $500 toilet. Instead, they break out the fancy stationary and the dictation pad. It takes two people - an attorney and a paralegal. Through the application of legal hours and dedicated assistants, they cobble out a 5 sentence letter. And what do you think the letter requests? A return letter. All to do what a 3 minute call would have done.

The $500 toilet lives on. God bless America.







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Tampa Florida Divorce Attorney

Beginning step - an overview of the divorce process

A description of the documents to gather for your case

The divorce petition

How the petition is served on your spouse

Financial disclosure

The discovery process - depositions, interrogatories, and requests to produce

Negotiation - working toward a negotiated settlement agreement

The mediation process - working with a court appointed mediator

The Final Hearing - if mediation is successful

Case management conference and pretrial conference

Motions - motion for contempt, motion for temporary support, motion to compel

Evidence in a courtroom - problems and opportunities

Final Trial - if all issues are still contested

General Florida divorce statute 61.052

Independence day

Most people do not realize: we were founded as a country with laws. Many of the founding fathers were lawyers. Since then, lawyers have been an integral part of our development as a nation. We work every day fighting for our client's rights and dignity. Everything we do as lawyers, whether it is criminal, contract, divorce, or personal injury, relates back to the set of rights guaranteed all of us in our Constitution.

It is easy to forget the Constitution while working as a divorce attorney. Day after day I am waist deep in my client's lives and personal problems. But everything I do is based on a Constitutional principle: My clients have a right to freedom, privacy, property, and the right to raise their families in peace. There is a reason for what I do and it is worth every sacrifice I have made.

I hope everyone enjoys their 4th of July !

The children must play

True or False: All attorneys are top notch professionals, above the petty games of small minded individuals.

If you answered true, read on.

Today, we had a high conflict situation with another attorney office. Right in the middle of negotiations they stopped answering their phone. Ok, this is the middle of Friday and some offices close. But low and behold, their fax machine decided to close early. All of a sudden, their fax stopped picking up - almost like it was unplugged. Unplugged? That would be unprofessional !?

Where is the glamour?

Many people think lawyers represent power, glamour, and wealth. The reality can be drastically different. Most lawyers experience overwhelming stress. We deal with destroyed lives day in and day out. In the less serious case, people can lose their homes or children. The outcome of our client's situation rides on our skill and preparation. And statistically, 50% of the cases are lost. That presents a tremendous amount of stress on us that are constantly worried about your clients. We are the hardest working people that I know - with not much in the way of rewards.

A whirlwind of activity this weekend

I have a hard fast rule: do not work on the weekends. I did just that in my past life and it was never worth it. But this weekend will need to be an exception. next week I have several very important hearings. All of them require complex visual aids to be put together. I like to think of hearings being like a game of show and tell. But I believe the emphasis always needs to be on "show." That is why I always have lots of documents, pictures, and color timelines to show the judge.

I'm back!

Sorry about that. But even a dedicated blogger has to take breaks. Lots of interesting hearings, clients, and experiences over the last month. Stay tuned and I will share. :-)

It's great when a case comes to an end

I always enjoy seeing a case come to an end. For some, it happens at the end of a mediation. For others, the couple reconciles. And for the unlucky few, the case ends after a final trial. I always feel a sense of closure. This is my measure of progress - seeing people move forward with their lives.

Another week in the trenches

Sometimes my work is very tiring. I hear so much personal information from people: money, sex, violence, desperation. I am submerged in the facts of other people’s lives. Facts that were not meant to be public information. Facts that were meant to be told only to close friends or lovers. I find myself face to face with people on a daily basis discussing and analyzing these very-private facts. I struggle not to become hardened – as I see happening in many other attorneys and judges.