Smooth is best

Divorce is a really tense, adversarial process. But a lot of that "stuff" goes to waste. All of that mental energy, all of that stress, all of that anger does very little in the end - except to make clients and attorneys miserable. The rule of thumb in divorce: Keep it smooth. Do everything deliberately, with purpose, and with thought. Think twice before saying anything.

In the end, this is a thinking person's game.


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Divorce – Custody – Property – Alimony – Child Support - Misc

If uncontested is a possibility - jump on it!

Divorce can be so miserable for some people, if there is any ray of hope for uncontested - you should jump on it. I see so many situations where people want to fight for one reason - they are hurt and want revenge. Believe me, that is not a good reason for prolonging and intensifying your divorce. I see many more situations where the basic issues are close, or almost uncontested.

When I see the possibility for this, I push hard for my client to settle. After all, the marital breakup is water under the bridge. Your life can get better from that point. Why not start the good times sooner?

Some women are virtual prisoners

Sometimes I see women that are prisoners in their marriage. Their husbands have all the power - financially and physically. Some husbands threaten their wives with physical harm. Others have everything in their names and carefully control all financial resources.

These are really tough situations and require a lot of courage. The wife has to overcome many potential problems if she wants a divorce. There is no way to completely eliminate the problems.

But the alternative to divorce is even worse. These women are at risk when they get older. What happens when the wife is older, in her 50s or 60s? What happens when the husband "throws her away" at that age? What happens if she has no resources, or earning power when she is thrown away?

Sometimes, the short-term action that requires extreme courage - is the very best course of action.

It is really tough when you don't have an attorney

I see and hear it all of the time. If you go into court without your own attorney and the other party has an attorney - you may be in for an eye opening experience.

There are very complex rules governing what you can say, and when you can say it. Attorneys know all these rules. You don't.

But the biggest thing to overcome is the judge's familiarity with the attorney and the fact that the judge does not know you. Sometimes this can be a HUGE disadvantage. Sometimes, you may walk out of court feeling like you were not allowed to say anything to support your case.

If you have been watching a lot of Judge Judy on TV, get it out of your head. Things are different in a real court.

Uncontested divorces - a bright spot in the day

It is always pleasant to see an uncontested divorce. Two adults, deciding it is not working out. Sometimes they have children. And they both know the most important issue is the future of the children.

I doesn't happen many times. But when a divorce is truly uncontested, it is the highlight of my month. At it's core, that is what my job is about. Helping people make a major transition in their lives. I feel very positive when I can pull this off.

Child support can be a huge burden

When a client first learns the amount of child support there is always an initial look of shock on their face. Child support can be a huge burden - especially on people that earn a modest living. Paying child support is a given in Florida. And there is nothing much you can do about the amount. It is calculated off of a guidelines chart.

The moral of the story. If you think a divorce is in your future, think twice and then think again about having children.

Is mediation really a solution?

You cannot go to trial in a divorce action until both sides have attempted to mediate. That means each side sits in a room with their attorney and a neutral third person, the mediator, tries to get everyone to compromise and settle.

But the ugly truth is most attorneys put extreme pressure on their clients to settle. The attorney is between a rock and a hard place. The client should never be pressured to settle. It should be their own decision, to settle or not settle. But the reality is that a decision to not settle could mean thousands of dollars more in attorney fees. Sometimes the fees chew up all the assets the couple is fighting over.

Mediation is not the relaxed, wonderful process it is cut out to be.

Divorce and Remarriage Can Roil Family Businesses - New York Times

Divorce and Remarriage Can Roil Family Businesses - New York Times