Attorneys do not have all the answers

People frequently ask me questions such as: "When should I tell my spouse about my desire for a divorce", or "Should I make trouble by telling my spouse's lover about potential exposure to herpes?" They are convinced their attorney has a high level of wisdom and their attorney's suggestion will be the right suggestion.

Dealing with divorce on a daily basis changes people - especially attorneys. We see the same things over and over again. A lot of the so-called wisdom is replaced by cynicism.

If you want to get a divorce, call a good divorce attorney. If you want wisdom, listen to the voice in the back of your head. You are more likely to get an answer that makes sense for your situation.

There is less court involvement than most people think

One thing that is surprising for most - there is very little involvement with the courts for many cases. 95% of cases settle before or at mediation. And until mediation fails, there is very little court involvement. When mediation produces an agreement, the agreement goes before a judge in a final hearing. That final hearing is short and simple.

What this means is that attorneys control all of the action for most cases. So when you pick your attorney, check to see if that attorney likes to take everything to a contested trial. If so, you will be assured of spending a huge sum of money.

Visitation - clients must "bite the bullet"

The Florida Statutes have a list of factors a judge must consider when deciding custody issues. One of the most important factors weighs whether a parent will allow contact between the children and the other parent. An unreasonable parent that wants to restrict visitation will be at a disadvantage later on. It is IMPORTANT for a divorcing parent to do everything right in the initial stages of a divorce. This includes being reasonable on visitation issues.

It is very possible to get exactly what you want right now, but shoot yourself in the foot for later court proceedings.

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Divorce – Custody – Property – Alimony – Child Support - Misc

It is always a fine line between agreement and all out war

Sometimes the parties come to an agreement and then refuse to sign it at the last moment. They get so close to ending the whole mess. Usually, the thing that causes a refusal to sign is tiny and insignificant. But in a divorce - tiny, insignificant things blow up to giant, significant things.

It is those tiny things that can burn up thousands of dollars. And it is the tiny things that are usually based on emotion instead of real world issues. I suggest everyone faced with an important decision take a step back for a day and decide what is really important to them: getting on with their life, or fighting to the end.

Balancing costs with results

The decision making process in a divorce involves financial tradeoffs. Many people get so hooked into the emotional side of divorce, they lose sight of the financial side.

There are two things you should always have in mind: the results you want and the cost of trying to get those results. The cost is usually your attorney fees. Unfortunately, many people spend more on the attorney than the amount they receive for the effort.

A good attorney will discuss these issues and help you make a good decision.

This only benefits the lawyers

Every day I see people that want to fight it out - at any cost. Some situations are clear cut. A good lawyer will tell you that. In those type of situations the people that come to a settlement during mediation come out ahead. The people that do not, and there are many people that stubbornly fight on, end up where they would if they settled at mediation.

When this happens, the only people that benefit are the lawyers. It's not a good thing.