Some lawyers are part of the problem, not the solution

The one thing an attorney must not do is get personally involved in a case. An important value the divorce attorney brings to the table is objectivity. They help steer a client through a very emotional time. The attorney does this by helping a client look beyond emotion to see the pros and cons of their decisions.

Some attorneys are not so good at this because they bring a lot of their own emotions to the table. We try to be above the emotions, but in the end we are only human.

It takes a lot of courage

Everyone that visits me for the first time has something in common. They all have courage. Courage to seek change, courage to disturb the status quo, courage to rise up to a challenge.

I do my best to relax everyone. I use soft lighting in the office. I greet everyone with a smile, and an offer of a soft drink. But the one thing I cannot do is reduce the enormity of their situations. People come in my office because something very important is happening in their lives. That very important thing hits them when they walk through the door of a divorce attorney's office. I try to recognize the importance of their personal situation, and then try hard to be the person they expect to see.

My own divorce lawyer from years ago called me

Here is an interesting situation. I went through my own divorce - many years ago. That experience was one of the factors that made me decide to become a divorce attorney.

I recently got a surprise call from my former attorney. He noticed my name all over the place. He called me to ask for advice.

One of the interesting twists of life.

WIStv.com Columbia, SC: Study: divorce rate is falling mostly because couples are not marrying

WIStv.com Columbia, SC: Study: divorce rate is falling mostly because couples are not marrying

I send out a summons - routine for me - not so routine for the recipient

A divorce begins when I send out a process server to deliver a summons to the other party. It seems so simple, so routine. But then again, it is more like the drop of a bomb to the other party. I try not to think into it too deeply. The purpose of a divorce is not to start a war. It is more about renewal and the start of a new life.

Every day I am bombarded with people's situations

Every day, all day, I listed to situations of many different people. Many are in crisis. Many are afraid, angry, and tired. Some people just want to get it over with.

They all have something in common: everyone represents a set of facts. Children, money, property, and violence. Many lawyers become hardened from dealing with the same facts over and over again.

I have to constantly remind myself - my clients are going through the biggest crisis of their life. I am determined never to become hardened.

The Divorce Center - New Port Richey Florida - Divorce Attorney Howard Iken

Be sure to look through my website. I have spent the last two years loading the website with great, free information. http://www.18884mydivorce.com

Florida Supreme Court decides rotating custody - difficult to change

The Florida Supreme Court recently decided a case concerning people already divorced, that initially had a rotating custody arrangement for their children. When the FL Sup. Court decides a case, all courts in Florida have to follow that decision in new cases.

The situation: If you have a divorce decree giving both parents rotating custody and one parent - years later - wants to challenge that arrangement and get primary custody (primary residential responsibility).

After this latest decision: It is VERY difficult to change from rotating custody. The Court decided on a test called the "Extraordinary Burden" test. Basically, this test makes it extremely difficult to change custody from a rotating arrangement.


***** One of the things a divorce attorney must do is to constantly read cases and new laws. Existing law can change on almost a daily basis. A good attorney keeps up with the changes.

Hearing on payment of health insurance

This is a short term marriage and there are not many marital assets. Both spouses have professional skills and are able to make a living. But one spouse refuses to work because of a long list of illnesses. That spouse insists the other spouse should continue to pay for health insurance - even after the divorce.

The problem is - those illnesses were never diagnosed by professionals. And the illnesses seemed to pop up at a convenient time, right during a drawn out, hostile divorce. Spouse claims cannot afford insurance. Also claims illnesses make it vital for my client to pay for health insurance.

After a bit of background checking. It turns out the opposing party sold several houses over the past several years, earning a large amount of money. These large sums were not reported on the opposing party's financial affidavit - which is a big no-no in court proceedings.

The judge was shown this was a short term marriage and the opposing party had lots of assets to pay for insurance. Result - opposing party's request for health insurance denied.

The only thing to fear is fear itself

Some clients are their own biggest enemy. They are so frozen with fear they are unable to act. This becomes a problem when I need information from them that is required in their divorce. An example: all divorces require each party to make detailed financial disclosures to the other party. This means numbers, tax returns, bank statements, etc. If my clients don't make an effort to give me what I need - they have given the other party a weapon that can be used against them. Once a court orders you to do something you should have done already, the court also orders you to pay the other sides attorney fees.

This is the most common problem divorce attorneys have in dealing with their own client.

Like a knife twisting in my stomach

That’s what it feels like to lose a case. That’s right. I said lose a case. You can’t win every case. That’s simple reality. I define losing as not getting the judge to decide my client gets exactly what they want. Some of my client’s react to the loss by showing fear, panic, and then crying by my side in court.

I feel like I betrayed them and I feel pain – like someone plunged a knife in my stomach. I used to spend the next day asking myself: “what if I said this, or did that – would I have won?” I have since learned that beating myself up does not help anyone. I do my best on every case. My VERY BEST. I still experience a sense of pain sometimes. But I don’t go home and celebrate my fee – win or lose. That’s what most people imagine about divorce lawyers. They couldn’t be more wrong.

Is loss of money a good reason to stay in a marriage?

Many people come in to discuss how much money or property they will lose if they decide to divorce. Some people decide to stay married based on their desire to keep property.

You need to put it in perspective. Think of all the great experiences you can have in your new life. Now put a price tag on never having those experiences.

I love being a divorce attorney.

I think this is the best job in the world. I get to talk with people all day, every day. I have immense power to help them through a difficult time of their lives.

Plus, I get to try to out-think, and out-argue other attorneys.

Take my word for it: this is a LOT of fun.

Domestic Violence Court

In case you are not familiar with Domestic Violence Court: the insiders call it "Jerry Springer" Court. People seeking a Domestice Violence Injunction (DVI) must prove to a judge that they have been physically battered or are in fear of physical harm. If the judge grants a DVI, one person is prohibited from coming within 500 feet of the other. The punishment if the DVI is violated - arrest and criminal charges.

Domestic Violence Court is related to Divorce the same way bombers are related to ground troops. Some people use it to soften up the opponent before the full assault. A successful DVI filing could immediately establish who gets the house and who gets child custody.

The bottom line: if you are in a situation where divorce is in the near future - do not hit or threaten the other person. You may find yourself out in the street. Even though a DVI is not a criminal charge - it stays on your record forever. Many employers will look down on a DVI charge in your record.